Somewhere beneath the scattered remnants of the past 30 years of my life sits the pieces of a broken man. Pieces I've chosen to leave scattered about these hardened floors. Some would say, why not just go pick up the pieces, but that would be to easy. I am a strange one when it comes to my quirks. I often enjoy looking at all the pieces scattered around me. I hate the mess, but crave the life it has left me. A life that has been marred by failures, yet saved by grace. A life that some say is wasting away....

Cort, my little boy, loves putting puzzles together. He loves seeing each part as it comes together to make the final picture. I must confess, his love of puzzles is not from his daddy. He gets that love from his great grandma. I remember well the days growing up putting together 500 piece puzzles with grandma. We'd spend all week putting this project together, only to tear it apart when we were done and put it back in its box to be stored away. I mean what the heck? I remember picking up the box with all the pieces inside and I would stand there shaking the box. I loved the sound that all those pieces made. Why? Because the broken pieces were proof of the picture to come.

I often wonder if God sometimes feels the same way with us. He gives us life, with all of its pieces and allows us to take it and live in the moments He grants us....yet so often we put the puzzle of our lives back in the box and store those moments away. Some of us sit in the midst of our scattered lives, afraid to gather up the pieces for fear of just facing another failure. Some "good" people tell me how terrible it is I just leave my life so scattered around me, but I dont think so. I like sitting in my chair and looking out over this room of mine. I can see each piece as it sits all alone and memories of happiness and often sadness stroll hand in hand through my mind.

Sometimes I wonder if I would trade all of these broken pieces to have the picture of my life put together for me, but I know the simple answer to that. NO. I'd never want someone else to put together that which I could do myself. The sense of accomplishment, pride, satisfaction...all that would be null. Sure there would be no tears, hurts, failures, disappointments....but in some insane way...I crave them both.

So for now the blog has begun. A story, a journey, the start of rearrainging my puzzle...I cant wait to see the final picture.